Last night whilst I was having a 2am think (insomnia FTL) I realised that I find it almost impossible to talk about myself. I don't mean everyday things, but problems.

Example:
I was recently presented with a rare opportunity to discuss my recent issues. The person I was talking to asked me directly what had been going on and there was no way for me to get out of answering. In a way, I did want to talk about it. But... I just couldn't. I told a white lie; I said I'd had self esteem issues, which of course every teen has, and the person I was talking to bought it, dismissed it as nothing serious ("who doesn't?") and we veered off to other topics. I don't mean to slander the person I was talking to, who will doubtless recognise this convo; after all, I delibarately didn't tell you the extent of said self esteem issues or anything regarding other issues even though it was the perfect opportunity to do so, so it is entirely my own doing, de-dah-de-dah.

Well: why the hell not?
So, I had a good ol' 2.30 think about it (time rolls fast when you think on things) and discovered that:
1. I am worried that I will not be taken seriously if I talk about myself. I'm not saying my friends would make light of my issues or whatever, but in my mind they don't stand up at all compared to things going on in other people's lives.
2. I am worried that I will be taken too seriously. I don't want everyone to worry about me and feel they constantly have to ask me how I'm getting on.
3. I am worried that people will be mad with me for not telling them sooner.  People like to feel trusted; what if my lack of confiding in people until whenever I summon the courage to do so makes them feel I don't trust them?
4. I don't want people to know because I don't know how they'll react and more importantly I don't know how I'll react to their reaction and all in all it is just easier to get on with life without discussing these things.

At about 3.47 I told myself I worry far too much and eventually went to sleep. But anyways, the point of saying all this is a rather vain attempt at beginning to discuss myself. Despite all the above points, a problem shared is a problem halved, and it would be kind of nice to just loosen up and TALK every once in a while, you know?
The last time I discussed myself via the internet (which I find easier- you don't have to watch your audiences reaction and they can think about it before they see you again) was when I posted a myspace blog called "we spend our lives with strangers". The next day (I think) Someone told me to drink OJ (which is an antidepressant) and when Someone Else heard, Someone Else said something like, "don't be silly you're not depressed- depression is a.. chemical disorder..."
they seemed to be floundering, so I interjected, "depression is a hormonal imbalance in the brain, I KNOW."
((Before you start:: no I do NOT have depression or any other such condition blah buh-blah blah quit reading too much into this damn you!))
Anyway, judging by the past experience people will at least care lmao

That's about it really. I look (apprehensively) forward to (potentially maybe) talking about myself (at somepoint, perhaps) in the forseeable future xP